Posts tagged sick
Posts tagged sick
It’s been two years since I got kicked by Cosmo. At a better time I will tell you the whole story but to keep it short, the kick that landed me in ICU and in and out of hospitals for the last 9 weeks of my junior in high schools days, with a grade four liver laceration, damaged bile duct and bruised right lung changed me in ways I could never imagine. I am so blessed for the opportunities that are given to me, my friends, family, support and most importantly Duke, my horse. Without that horse guys, I don’t think I would have had the fight to live. I posted this at 4 p.m. This marks two years to the day my life changed.
Ugh I hate colds! I have literally been sneezing all afternoon and night! On the other hand, gave two pretty kick ass sets of reasons tonight, therefore I can live with that! I am so ready for to kick ass at Tennessee in three weeks!
Food poisoning. Everyone but like 5 people in my family (which was a big family gathering) got sick 24 hours after Christmas Eve dinner. I don’t think it could be the stomach flu because that can’t hit all of us that quick. This sucks, first cramps then I’m tired as hell since we didn’t get back home from the hospital with my brother until 2 am, then I am throwing up at 4:30 in the morning. It’s just fan-freaking-tastic!!!
This week has been the worst fucking week. My car dies on me, so I am four hours away from home and without a car, plus I live off campus. I’m getting the cold shoulder from Austin and he left for North Dakota today without even saying goodbye. The earliest I have gone to bed has been 1 am and lastest I have woken up was 7 am. I have had this nasty ass cold for almost a week now. Had a horse flip shit on me when practicing showmanship all things. Is assigned a school horse that is really good but has to share her with a girl that thinks she knows every god damn thing about her and if she thinks I am one of those girls that does the minimum requirements, she has another thing coming. Had a horse show hosted by BHE this weekend so that involved being in charge of the out gate and handing out ribbons. In addition, I had to deal with everyone’s drama. I am a positive person, I will give you positive feedback but also be true about my words. So all of my posivitive energy has been sucked from all the people with negitive energy. So much that I literally snapped at my small group of friends. Me snapping, even just a little bit puts the icing on the cake of my bad week.
Don’t get me wrong, I had good things happen this week too. Such as riding horses for money, not having class half the week, getting some ;), brownie points with the instructors for helping at the show, showing off I’m a decent rider while warming up a horse I have never ridden, and some smaller things. But right now the thing that I think has me in such a negative mood is that I miss my horse. It has been a week since I have seen Duke and we have NEVER been seperated. I pass his old stall everyday out of pure habit. I literally tear up when friends ask about him or say they miss him. I know he is happy though and that is all that matters. But that doesn’t change how much I miss him and how much I need him and how much a hug and nibble on the cheek would change my mood.
I have never felt so empty. So drained. At least not in a very very long time.
I didn’t eat last night. I woke up two hours later than I usually do. I feel like all the butterflies that use to tickle my stomach have turned into raging bees, and I still don’t want to eat, or get out of my bed for that matter. I’ve never felt like this for a guy. But at the same time, I never thought he would be the guy to break my heart.
I thought about going to the first party I can, getting completely fucked and screwing the first guy I dance with. But that’s not who I am, I don’t think I could do that to Dustin, let alone myself. I literally feel emotionless right now. Like I had all the happiness and love sucked right out of me from last night. But in an hour, I need to put on my happy face, go out to the barn and take care of the horses. I think Duke is the only thing to cheer me up.
I swear to god if you die on us I will be so upset. I might of thought of you as the most annoying, janked up bred Yorkie ever but I think a piece of this house will be forever gone if I don’t hear you barking at the neighbors, scooting your butt on the carpet or trying to hump the cats.
In all serious, Jake has actually turned out to be an ok dog over the past few years. He has asthma and it’s gotten to the point where I think it is completely deteriorating his lungs, not to mention I think his kidney is failing. Today he was shaking, heart racing, puking bile, coughing up blood and wheezing. My step mom and dad just left to take him to the vet. It’s not looking good at all. But I still have hope and I still pray he will recover.